On September 5, only eighteen days until the end of the season, I didn't check the dinner numbers with the office. An oversight which caused the worst dinner service of the season. Once I caught wind of what went down, I took responsibility for my error and spent the next 2 hours sobbing uncontrollably because that's what happens after four months of a job that is both mentally and physically exhausting. Days are long, weeks are longer, and months feel like an eternity until the summer ends too quickly, catapulting me back to a reality that has become increasingly more difficult to relate to. I don't even know why I kept crying, but I think it had to do with losing the security of rent-free housing and only having a half-baked plan of what I'll be doing once I get back to Illinois. However, it could just be the fact that I've been busting my ass all summer and being so close to the end, finally hit the wall.
Four months of frustration and lack of sleep cascaded from my eyes and nose. I'm an ugly crier and by the end of my little sob session, looked like someone punched me in the face. Everyone has given their best effort (or resented those who haven't) to make the season a success. Money is the great motivator, and in an industry where income is supplemented by tips, my coworkers and I have all become people-pleasers. I can't tell you the last time I said something intelligent during meal service because most guests want the help to be dumber than they are. Maybe once a month I've had a guest treat me like a person, but for the most part, I'm just the waitress with a pretty smile.
Then again, I didn't choose this lifestyle for people to consider me an intellectual. I do what I do because I haven't learned to sit still. Truthfully, I'm not sure if I'm even capable of permanence, and I'm scared to go back to real life and get a grown-up job and live in a grown-up apartment. I'm scared to spend a chunk of time in a place that hasn't been home in over a year just to start over in a new place a few months later. For now, the only option I have is to keep reminding myself that all of life is an adventure. Settling down doesn't mean the adventure ends; it just means that it's time for another change. With no set plans, I'm anxiously awaiting the end of the season to see exactly how life after Yes Bay will turn out. Until then, I think I'll dedicate the rest of my summer to losing sleep, getting jacked on coffee, creating flavor explosions in the form of delicious baked goods, and having good time. In the words of Mae West, “you only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
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